How to Get Nice Feet

This is the procedure that inspired me to start this blog.  One day I thought to myself, "Hmm, maybe this will work." Then, I tried it and it worked. It was a simple triumph.

Do you have not-so-nice feet? (WARNING: I am not a qualified to give advice on anything. If you have foot problem, go see a doctor, do not take my advice). Have you recently discovered that your feet have become less-than-smooth from various practices such as going barefoot, wearing sandals, wearing heels, wearing heeled sandals, visiting the beach, swimming,  etc? Well, don't worry, I have a solution - and it's cheap! As are most of my solutions.

First, go to your local 99 Cents Only Store or other such fine establishment. Buy some acne product with salicylic acid - I recommend something with a greasy base to help moisturize - and some Epsom salts. Go home - don't wander around the store or you'll end up with crap you don't need. But, then again, it is a dollar store, so why not go nuts? Wait, no, not $90 dollars nuts - that's a bit much. Plus, I don't think those irregular thong panties and Super Flaming Hot Beer Flavored Cheetos are good for your health...or your image.

Next, draw a bath, sink, or bucket full of hot water (I'm assuming that if you read this blog, you are not fancy enough to have a special device for soaking your feet like my mom does - it has a massage feature). Pour in some Epsom salt. I don't know how much, just go for it. Mix it up and let the salt dissolve. If you want to get real fancy you can put in some essential oil or something like that. Soak your feet for awhile. I don't know how long, just go for it. Then, use a pumice stone or foot scrubber, along with some more salt or some apricot scrub (I use the generic stuff, also sometimes available at the dollar store) to scrub the soles and sides of your feet, heels, and toes. Rinse and dry your feet.

Now, slather on some of that acne stuff - only on the soles and sides of your feet, heels and toes because you probably don't need it on the tops. My theory - arrived at by about 5 minutes of Interwebs research - as to how this works is that the Salicylic Acid helps slough off dead skin cells. I like to take this time to give my feet a bit of a massage, then - depending on how tired I am - I give myself a little pedicure.

You only have to do this whole ritual every so often - I do this about every 2 weeks. On a daily basis, you just have to slather on some of that greasy acne stuff (tip: like to do this before bed and put on some socks to hold in the grease for awhile).

If you have not-so-nice feet, characterized by dry, rough spots and perhaps even small calluses, do this. In just a few days - or, maybe a week - you'll have smoother, nicer, simply triumphant feet.